pounds & persistence

my journey toward fitness and wellness and faith


Weight: 252.2 lb

Let’s talk for a moment about attraction.

At some point in your life, everyone has felt attractive. And everyone, at some point, also knows what it is like to feel very unattractive. Heck, anyone who has ever been in a relationship knows how it feels to worry about whether or not your partner finds you attractive. And plenty of us worry about whether or not perfect strangers, or maybe the one perfect stranger, will find us attractive. There’s a lot wrapped up in our perception of what it means to be attractive and how much others perceive us to be so. So, when circumstances make us feel unattractive, it can be a crippling blow.

I recently had a conversation with a close friend who just had her second baby. She is working her cute little butt off to lose her baby weight and get in her pre-baby shape, but it’s coming along a bit more slowly than it did after her first. And she’s a bit frustrated and more than a bit tired of feeling a bit gross. While I can’t relate to the feeling of my body stretching beyond what should be all reason and then attempting to spring it back into shape, I can relate to the idea of battling hard every day and still feeling like I haven’t achieved my own, or maybe one else’s, idea of sexy. That maybe I’ll never be truly attractive. And this idea is not helped at all when I see paraded in front of me people that do fit this ideal, that are what I imagine my husband, and likely millions of other people, find to be sexy. In my mind, any lull in our intimacy or distance between us is immediately attributed to this, immediately attributed to my inability to reach this level of attractiveness. I know this is crazy and even idiotic thinking. But on any given week, when I’ve worked incredibly hard, yet again, to watch what I’m eating and sweat out a pound or two and, yet again, have not seen the rewards of my labor in an instant size 4, I am especially susceptible to this kind of idiocy.

Here’s the thing- at the end of the day, I know my husband loves me and has chosen to spend his life with me for much more than my dress size. I know that I am beautiful and sexy and the most important person in the world to him. These are the facts- the non-idiotic, non-crazy truths of the situation. And yet, feeling sexy is sometimes the same thing as being sexy and these feelings can sometimes be hard to come by. I think my friend would agree, as exhausted new mothers don’t often find spit up to be aphrodisiacs. So what’s a girl to do?

I’m not entirely sure! I wish I had the perfect answer and that all women could take my piece of advice and never feel unattractive again, but I know it’s an ongoing battle. All I can offer is my own strategies.

  1. First, remind yourself of the actual reality of the situation- that sexy is in the eye of the beholder and there’s a lot more than a jean size that goes into making you attractive.
  2. Second, wear something cute. Find some fun accessories or a nice little dress that is a no fail solution to making you feel attractive and wear it on your low days. It’s ok if you wear it five days in a row, too, on an especially low week.
  3. Third, don’t neglect perks like a fresh haircut and a cute manicure. These little perks just help make you feel more sexy. And if you are going to save pennies on these luxuries, do it in a smart way- these fun home manicures are awesome, easy to do and cheaper than a salon manicure (especially after tip!). Also, if you’re going to go cheap on the haircut, make sure you pick a stylist at your bargain salon whose hair cut or personal style YOU like! If you like the way they look, they are more likely to share your sense of style and understand what you want. You’ll get a good haircut for cheap!
  4. Lastly, find a friend you can whine to about your body image issues. They’ll help remind you of reality without feeling like it’s their responsibility to affect your view of yourself, a burden which your partner should not necessarily take on! I’m lucky to have a very supportive partner, but I feel like my perception of myself is my own responsibility and not his.
Hopefully, these tips will help others when they’re struggling with feeling unattractive. And if it doesn’t, email me and I’ll remind you of how sexy I find you!

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2 thoughts on “Sexy

  1. Kathie on said:

    I had to think a little bit before replying to this post. Sexy and self image are so much more personal than a number on the scale or a dress size.

    I guess I would just add to your wonderful suggestion list that “sexy is as sexy does”. It’s an old saying. The same thing goes for smiling. Smile even though you don’t feel it and sooner or later you start feeling it.

    As to sexy, I say dance like no one is looking, sing from the bottom of your soul and I will bet you find the “on” button. Sexy is a state of mind. Movement and music and rhythm shut off all of those awful little voices that tell you that you aren’t sexy. (I can’t hear you..) And when you look at yourself you know you are one Hot Mama!

    I so applaud your belief that “I feel like my perception of myself is my own responsibility and not his.” You are so wise at such a young age!

    • I agree completely! The personal nature of self-image is a lesson I’ve learned so clearly when interacting with amazing women around me, who don’t always see how amazing they are. Sometimes I wish there were a magic pill that you could swallow which would help you see the true you, the you that others perceive you as, and not be blinded by your own negativity or self-doubt. Thanks for taking the time to comment!

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